“Life is a gift. Live it well.”

My best friend, Quan, always says this. After starting a family, she began writing it in her Christmas cards every year. But it was her unofficial motto even before that – and it was especially fitting when I was diagnosed with cervical cancer at 25. At the time, I was working in broadcast journalism in D.C., and she dropped everything to fly from our hometown of Summerville, SC. Let her tell you about it:

“I had just gotten married, but I told my husband, ‘Love you, but I’m going to Maryland!’ I didn’t know exactly what Tamika needed – I just knew I had to show up,” says Quan, who had studied biology and was planning to go to med school. She jokes, “I knew just enough to be dangerous.”

She spent hours by my side at the hospital, asking questions and advocating for me. I can still picture her holding up my pee bag and saying, “Oh, you had a good output today. Let me make sure the nurses know.” That’s not awkward at all! She later admitted, “Truthfully, I was just scared of losing you.” I honestly don’t think I could have survived without her.

This year, as we both turn 50 – Quan’s was last week; mine is this summer – her words feel even more meaningful. She helped me hold on to the gift of life, and we’ve been trying to live it well ever since. Along with some close friends and family, I wanted to celebrate her with a surprise birthday party back home. This digital Galentine’s Day “card” is also dedicated to Quan and our decades-long friendship.

I actually had one of my Cervivor team members “interview” her for an alleged Oprah Daily feature – the sneaky story we used to lure Quan out for the party – but it was really for the “she said, she said” Q&A below. (No, Oprah Daily wasn’t involved – but hey, Oprah, call me!)

She Said, She Said

Quan and I grew up on opposite ends of the same street. We’ve known each other so long, I honestly couldn’t remember the first time we met. Quan did.

“I’ve known of Tamika and her family for about 40 years. We didn’t really connect until eighth grade, though, when we were around 13 or 14. One day, as we were leaving the school gym in the pouring rain, Tamika slipped and fell and immediately blamed me. I was like, ‘What?! How is that my fault?’ But, I just said, ‘Okay, get up, let’s keep it moving.’ And she did. From that moment on, our friendship blossomed, and we’ve been connected ever since.”

This is my tribute to you, Quan.

Q: What was it like growing up in Summerville, and how has your friendship evolved since then?  

Her: “We spent so much time together – sleepovers, walking everywhere from Piggly Wiggly to other spots in town, hanging out at football games or the mall. Once she got a car, I’d beg her to pick me up for school. Even though Summerville High School was the largest in the state at the time, we always found ways to stay connected. 

After college, Tamika moved away to build her career while I stayed in the South between South Carolina and Georgia. Even if six months passed without talking, though, when we did, it was like no time had passed at all. There’s just an unspoken, natural bond between us – a kinetic connections.”

Me: “Summerville was a ‘Friday Night Lights’ town – everything revolved around high school football and God. On game nights, the whole town practically shut down. It was big enough that you didn’t know everyone, but if you didn’t know someone, you knew their cousin or uncle.  

Nowadays, Summerville is a top retirement spot and, like Charleston –  where I got married – a major wedding destination. It’s a beautiful, magical place – a village. And even though Quan and I live far apart, she is still part of my village. We talk several times a day, usually while she’s driving for her pharmaceutical sales job. We always say ‘I love you’ before hanging up.

Our bond is real – like sisters. She can grind my gears but she also keeps me accountable. She’ll say, ‘Listen, boo, we gotta get healthy. We’re getting older. What are you doing to take care of yourself?’ It stings sometimes, but I hear her.”

Q: Explain the backstory behind being ‘childhood besties.’ 

Me: “I started calling Quan my ‘childhood bestie’ as a bit of a joke, but also out of some jealousy. She and I, along with two other friends also turning 50 this year – Kenya and Kisha – grew up together. But when I moved away, she became even closer to them. One day, I saw a photo of them all having fun – a.k.a. a love fest – without me, and I thought, ‘Hmph, okay.’ So, I decided to call her my ‘childhood bestie.’ The nickname stuck. But over the years, I’ve realized that Quan is too wonderful to keep all to myself. Everyone should have a Quan in their life – she’s a gem.”

Her: “I used to take offense to it! We were so close growing up – through our teenage years and early college – but when she moved away, I also became close with two of our other friends from high school. When we all get together, Tamika will say, ‘Oh, you’re best friends with them, but you’re my childhood best friend.’ I’m like, ‘Stop saying that! We’ve always been best friends!’ Now, when she introduces me as her ‘childhood bestie,’ I just roll my eyes and laugh because, at the end of the day, we both know – we’re still best friends, no matter what.”

Q: How do you feel about turning 50 this year? 

Her: “Some people freak out about turning 50, but I’m the ever-optimist. I feel so blessed, fortunate, and grateful to even see 50. Life is short, so I’m embracing it.

I’ve never told Tamika this, but a huge part of me mapping out what I want to do from here on out is inspired by her. She’s always lived life to the fullest – traveling, making things happen. Turning 50 is a wake-up call in the best way. Some people get sad, but I’m revving up, ready to keep doing all the things I want to do.”

Me: “As a cancer survivor, turning 50 feels especially meaningful – birthdays matter. Quan and I have this silly tradition of trying to be the first to wish each other a happy birthday, even before our husbands. Last week for her birthday, I was so sleepy. I was like, ‘Come on, midnight!’

Quan is excited to turn 50, and I am too, but I also can’t help but think, ‘Oh shit, we’re halfway through this life.’ We have classmates, friends, and family who didn’t make it to 50, so this milestone feels even more special.” 

Q: You’re each other’s child’s godparent. What does that mean to you? 

Her: “When I chose a godmother for my first child, Kennedy – now a freshman at Georgia Tech – there was only one other person I considered: my sister. But Tamika is like my sister. She’s always been by my side. I felt called to ask her, prayed about it, and reached out. She was so honored, and it just felt right.

I’ll never forget when she told me she had a chance to be a mom – I was sitting in a Kroger parking lot in Georgia. She casually mentioned older parents, and I said, ‘I couldn’t imagine having a baby at almost 50; that’s a lot.’ Then she hit me with it – there was a possibility she could have her own baby because someone wanted to donate their embryos. I thought, ‘Wow, you have this chance after having motherhood taken away because of cancer.’ And I told her, ‘If you can make this happen, do it!’

Tamika has friends all over the world, so when she asked me to be Chayton’s godmother, I was beyond honored. He’s a little fireball – so full of energy and spark. And motherhood hasn’t slowed Tamika down one bit. She takes him everywhere. Seeing life through his eyes is beautiful. He’s just living – just like his mom.”

Me: “Quan is such an amazing godmother – she really shows up. She checks in, FaceTimes, and just makes sure she’s present in Chayton’s life. Honestly, she’s a better godmother than I was to her daughter! I was still finding myself after cancer, getting my career started, and while that’s no excuse, it’s the truth. Quan’s always had the whole godmother thing down. 

I’ve always thought she was an amazing mom, too. One thing I love about her is that, even though she’s so busy, she makes a hot breakfast for her family every morning, just as her mother did for her and her siblings. I know because, most of the time, I’m on the phone with her while she’s doing it! Sometimes the kids will want McDonald’s, and she’ll pick it up for them. But I really admire her commitment, not only to her family, but also to herself. Quan doesn’t play around when it comes to working out! I love that balance.”

Q: How would you describe each other in three words? 

Her: “Passionate, powerful, and genuine. Tamika is a force – her confidence and determination are undeniable, yet she remains a truly authentic and caring person.”

Me: “Tenacious, loving, and fun. I admire Quan’s tenacity and appreciate the fact that she’s such a loving human being – she loves fiercely. She is also just a lot of fun.”

Q: What’s one thing you want the other to remember about your friendship?

Her: “It’s that no matter what – distance, disagreements, or life’s challenges – I will always be here for her with unconditional love and respect. She can’t get rid of me! Our friendship is unwavering, and she’ll always have my listening ear and support. No matter what.”

Me: “I want her to remember that we loved each other so, so much. We’ve always stuck together, through the good times and bad. In life, we often focus on who hurt us, and that stays with us. But we need to remember who loved us, who made us feel whole, good, and safe. Quan does this – she always has, and she always will.”

To everyone reading this, I recommend taking Quan’s advice and treating life like the gift it is and living well while you’re here. I do! Happy Galentine’s Day to all the girlfriends out there, and happy 50th to my fellow 1975 babies. 

xo,