Because 49 is huge!

I turned 49 last month. I didn’t have anything planned for my birthday, partly because I was tired and partly because I didn’t really feel like celebrating. I knew I wouldn’t be getting the funny phone call I got every birthday from my sister, Lildra, who passed away this March.

The call went like this: Lildra would say, “Happy Birthday!” and sing a little bit of the song. Then she’d tell the story of how I was such a beautiful, special baby. Everybody loved me; everybody wanted to hold me. She came home every weekend to be with me. And then, when I turned three, I became a nightmare – and had been giving her grief ever since! We always shared a good laugh about it, while I rolled my eyes extra hard. It was our thing.

I really missed that story this year, and I’ll never hear it again.

What got me beyond the grief

Even though I wasn’t in the mood to celebrate, I was showered with so much love on my birthday that it was overwhelming. Family members, friends, my Cervivor family, people from my hometown and church, and social media connections around the world took the time to write heartfelt messages, send texts, and share special photos of us together. 

I’m usually hard to surprise because I like to know all the details – where we’re going, what time – but my Seattle-based Cervivors really pulled one over on me when I was visiting. We’d planned to meet for dinner, but they brought along a custom-designed Filipino-style cake made with ube (purple yam) and macapuno filling, flowers, and beautiful birthday cards. (I love cards.) As a Cancer who had cancer, all of the support made me feel whole – like cancer didn’t win. It inspires me to live up to the person other people see in me. 

So, how did I spend my birthday? By going to the Motor Vehicle Administration (MVA) and getting a manicure afterward. On the way to renew my driver’s license, I picked up a small snickerdoodle cake from Nothing Bundt Cakes (gotta love their free birthday cake!) and “4” and “9” candles and then stopped at Starbucks for my free birthday drink. While I was there, I bought a glass that says, “best age ever!” I want to use it every year to remind myself that I am the best age at that age.

Birthdays are always a reflective time for me. I think of them like my own personal New Year, complete with New Year’s resolutions. This year was way more emotional than most – there have been a lot of tears. But, I’d like to share a few birthday reflections on turning 49 – and my intentions for the year – in case they resonate with any of you. Plus, you can help keep me accountable! 

This year, I’m going to…

See more clearly

About that MVA appointment. When I got up to the counter, the lady asked if I needed to do a vision test. I said, “no.” She asked for my ID, saw my age, and said I needed to do the test. I was like, “Really? I have to?” She insisted – and didn’t seem like the type of person to mess with – so I stood in line and took the test… and failed it, badly. The lady told me I missed every single letter in line 4.

She said I could try again, but I was only allowed to miss two letters, or my license renewal would be denied, and I’d have to see an eye doctor before coming back to take the test again. I missed more than two the second time, too.

But, I had already decided that nothing was going to get under my skin on my birthday. I wouldn’t let anything bother me. So, I took a deep breath and asked her if I could try the test one more time. She said “yes” and I finally passed it. Before I left, she made it a point to say, “You’re still going to see your eye doctor.” I loved that she seemed to genuinely care. We both laughed.

To me, it was a sign that this year I need to see more clearly. I still have goals, dreams, and aspirations that I want to achieve, and I can’t lose focus now. If I’m going to call myself Cervivor’s Chief Visionary, I need to live up to the title!

Not be in a rush

Another thing happened on my birthday that felt like a message. When I went to light the birthday candle shaped like a “9” after lighting the “4” one, it wouldn’t light no matter how much I tried. It reminded me that, even though there are things I want to do and achieve, I don’t have to rush through this year. I need to take my time and appreciate all the moments I have, especially the ones with my son, Chayton.

There’s also this idea I came across while driving around on my birthday. I heard it in a radio spot for QVC’s Quintessential 50, a group of inspiring women over 50. It said that 50-year-olds today are younger than 50-year-olds in the past. I believe that’s true. Life is not over at 50, even if I’m not racing to get there!

I think the reason so many of us dread getting older is because we feel we’re shrinking. We won’t be seen. Our bodies are changing. Things are sagging. But getting older is truly a gift. Aging is a blessing. God willing, a year from now, I’ll be 50, and it’s going to be exciting! There are people over 50 or close to it – especially older moms like me – who blow me away. That includes people I’ve met through my fertility journey as well as celebrities like Tamron Hall and Kristen Welker, who also used a gestational surrogate.

Really show up

This year, I’m recommitting to being my best, healthiest self. That doesn’t mean looking like a supermodel; it means having a body with fewer aches and pains and better mobility. It means getting all my preventative screenings and follow-ups. It means going to the doctor when I need to. In other words, I’m going to show up for – and take better care of – myself.

I actually talked about getting healthier with Lildra back in February when she was visiting me in Maryland. We had just returned from Kansas, where we celebrated our uncle’s 100th birthday – here I am contemplating turning 50, and he has lived more than twice that long! I miss my sister and am trying to be more intentional these days. So, I’m prioritizing showing up for my family and friends and being there for important moments as well.