One of my missions in life is ensuring that the diverse paths for people to build their families stay open – and become even more accessible. Just as important, I want to support and encourage individuals who are navigating fertility challenges. Why? Because I’ve been there.
In November 2022, my son, Chayton, was born through embryo donation and surrogacy. This was nearly two decades after I had to have a radical hysterectomy plus chemotherapy and radiation to save my life from cervical cancer, but couldn’t afford to harvest my eggs first.
Given that this is National Fertility Awareness Week (April 21 to 27), a time to spark discussion about the emotional, physical, financial, ethical, and legal aspects of fertility treatments, I’d like to share my story with you here.
Actually, as I’ve half-joked before, sharing my story got me a baby. Let me start from the beginning.
When I was diagnosed with cervical cancer at 25, I felt completely alone. This disease was only supposed to affect older women, not me – a busy TV producer in Washington, D.C. Following treatment, I found that speaking out about my experience helped me heal emotionally as my body recovered. I was also determined to lessen the stigma that cervical cancer carries because of its link to HPV, the human papillomavirus.
One of the first places I had the opportunity to share my story on a national stage was at a 2004 President’s Cancer Panel for adolescent and young adult cancer patients and survivors. Through tears, I explained how, because I was not married at the time of my diagnosis, my health insurance wouldn’t cover the cost of saving my eggs, at least $15,000 or more.
The next year, I founded Cervivor, Inc., a non-profit committed to eliminating cervical cancer and building a strong community of patients, survivors, and the people who love them. The organization has since grown to tens of thousands of members, including hundreds of Cervivor Ambassadors who have graduated from our programs. I am exceedingly proud of the work we have done but know that the fight is not over. Not by a long shot.
Over the years, my cancer survivorship and advocacy have been featured in many media outlets including a Newsweek cover story in 2017, when I was named a Cancer Rebel. Ginny Marable, who had recently been diagnosed with stage 2B cervical cancer, read that story and was motivated to join our Cervivor community.
In 2020, I invited her to attend a virtual Fertility Healing Circle I was moderating. After that event, she and her husband, Sean – moved by my story of losing my fertility from cancer – offered to donate their remaining embryos to me and my husband, Rocky. We were blown away by their compassion and generosity and, of course, accepted.
Once Chayton was born, the word got out and the story took on a life of its own. My bond with Ginny and her and Sean’s selfless gift, along with the invaluable support of our amazing fertility specialists, was covered by People magazine and other national and international publications.
Since then, I get DMs on social media all the time from people facing fertility struggles who have been inspired by my example. They feel safe talking to me about using donor sperm and eggs or embryos, gestational surrogacy, and other fertility options.
What do I tell them? If their heart desires to be a parent, there are many pathways to do so and, no, it’s not too late. (I’m an older mom myself.) What may seem bizarre or weird to other people can be a beautiful blessing to have what they want so desperately.
While I didn’t share my story to get a baby (and I can’t promise the same for anyone else), people have told me that they think my “good karma” from doing good in the world led to this unexpected happy ending. Maybe so. For me, the lesson is this: Never underestimate the power of connection and the kindness of others.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to go take care of my “Cervivor Baby.” I love that name given to him by his Cervivor Aunties!
If you’re facing fertility challenges, know you’re not alone. There’s a whole community out there to support you. You can find resources and connect with others through the Alliance for Fertility Preservation or reach out to me on social media (scroll down for my different accounts) or email me here.
xo